“You don’t build a bond without being present.” James Earl Jones
As I shared a few weeks ago, David Peterson, a good friend, mentor, and coach, passed away after battling several strokes over the past 18 months.
A few weeks later, I received a note from his wife, Alexis, informing me that there would be several activities this past weekend to commemorate David and his well-lived life. My initial thought was –– oh, how lovely –– there was going to be a memorial service online, and I would be able to participate that way. After all, I live in rural Virginia, and they are commemorating in Napa Valley, California. No one would expect me actually to go and be there.
But then two things happened.
One, I remembered a conversation with my friend Kathleen (whom I’ve known since we were children) a year ago about attending her daughter Julia’s wedding.
I asked, “Do you want me to come?” She has a large family, and lots of loved ones, so my thinking was, “What will it matter if I’m there or not?” There’s even an insecurity that crept in –– It won’t matter to her if I’m there or not. She, not wanting to impose on me and knowing that I travel a lot, said, “No, we are good.”
However, six months ago, when we were together, she told me she was sad I hadn’t been there. Even writing this now, I’m sad I wasn’t there.
That’s the first thing.
The second thing is that my co-founder, Amy Humble, said, “Weddings and funerals—you show up.”
You go.
Of course, that is not always possible. But my friend Kathleen was right; I do travel a lot. I can travel for the wedding of the daughter of my oldest friend. Or for the funeral of a good and influential friend and colleague who has made a difference in my life.
I’m getting better at knowing the difference between legitimate and flimsy reasons for not showing up.
So I went to Napa Valley and attended David’s memorial service.
I was only there for a few hours, but that was long enough for me to give Alexis, his wife, a hug, to exchange a moment, long enough to communicate, “David mattered to me, and so do you.”
As important as our actual presence is or is not, no matter how big a crowd there will be without us, we signal our willingness to extend goodwill to others at significant times of joy or pain.
It doesn’t matter if others are willing to excuse us. We shouldn’t always excuse ourselves. Showing up is essential to remind us that “this person matters to me—people matter to me—and I’m going to honor that.”
Have you ever had this experience?
Have you not shown up and ended up regretting it?
Or do you always show up?
Tell me more.
We do a lot of high-level thinking on the show about leadership styles, S Curves, and launch points. These are all important concepts. But if this show were about medicine, in this week’s episode, we are hearing from the equivalent of a front-line Army Medic. This week’s podcast guest is Sudha Ranganathan, Director of Product Marketing at LinkedIn.
In that role, ecosystems are at the heart of what she does, and that’s what you’ll hear about in this episode. From the University of Mumbai, she’s brought her systems-engineering mindset to Singapore, to San Francisco, and to companies like Procter and Gamble and PayPal. Please join us.
As always, thanks for being here!
My best,
Whitney
P.S. Interested in a surefire system for helping clients accelerate their individual growth while also becoming a catalyst for organizational growth? If so, get Smart Growth certified. Learn more.
P.P.S. Disruption Advisors is closed July 3-7. Our team is taking a week off to rest, reset, and recharge in a thoughtful effort to be our best selves for our team and our partners. Read more about our summer reset here. This means no newsletter this coming week, though you will want to be sure to tune into our special podcast episode with Ed Catmull, Co-founder of Pixar.
