Stop trying to feel better, get better at feeling. –– Unknown
Saturday morning, I woke up early, my body still adjusting from London time.
I padded down to the office, with a brief detour to feed our cats, Mowgli and Penny, and settled into my favorite chair in the office, with my journal, scriptures, and a pile of books to read.
After an hour or so, I took a break and hopped on the treadmill for 30 minutes of cardio.
I went back to my office for meditation and planning.
I was studying, planning, and preparing, feeling centered and serene.
Everything was in hand. Almost miraculously, I would say, because it’s rare to feel like everything is under control. But I was doing all the things suggested, and all the things I know, personally, are most conducive to creating that elusive aura of calm.
Then I got a call. One of those calls….You know, the kind—where you forget about who you want to be, and are who you don’t want to be: irritated, upset, even resentful.
I had been disrupted.
But here’s what I am happy about and what I want to share with you, given the likelihood that something similar may, on occasion, happen to you.
I regularly find myself reciting the maxim, “Stop trying to feel better, get better at feeling.” I first heard it from psychologist Emma McAdam (you can listen to her on our podcast).
If I’m honest with you (which I try to be), I thought I was pretty good at this. Then, I started experimenting with what is called a ‘feelings wheel’ over the past couple of weeks. The purpose is to quickly identify what you are feeling, to validate it, so that you are aware of what you need, want, and don’t want. So, I did that. I was feeling irritated and upset. I was also feeling regretful, discouraged, and sad because I would have liked for that call to go differently, for the relationship to be different.
And then I felt better, almost immediately.
It is a fascinating thing when we give ourselves space to actually feel and identify our emotions, validating them. It helps them to dissipate. I suppose it’s like the two-year-old who is sad, wants to cry and be sad, and then they feel better.
We give ourselves the power to feel.
When we do, we will recover much more quickly from failure or a setback. It’s almost like magic.
So yes, my day was disrupted. Disruption will happen. It just will. One of my favorite questions when doing a post-mortem around a setback is, “How quickly did you recover from a failure? And what important truths did you learn?”
Happily, this time, I recovered pretty quickly.
Now, I just need to look at my feelings wheel to describe how that feels.
This week’s podcast guest is Alex Osterwalder, one of the world’s most influential thinkers on innovation. It’s an episode from the archives. In it, we talk about Alex’s background and journey into business models, what business model innovation is, and one of my favorites –– we looked at how business model innovation relates to personal growth.
He is a smart guy and a delightful human being. And congrats, Alex, for being in the top 10 for Thinkers50 again.
Thank you for being here!
My best,
Whitney
P.S. Beginning in 2024, the D is for Disruption newsletter will transition from weekly to monthly. While you’ll see me in your inbox less frequently, I’ll still be actively sharing content and experiences on Instagram. Short-form content is reshaping how we engage. I invite you to follow me on Instagram at @johnsonwhitney, and we’ll disrupt together. In the meantime, we’ll continue with D is for Disruption every week through the end of this year; the first monthly issue will begin on January 4, 2024. Let’s disrupt together!
P.P.S. Are you looking to invest in others and accelerate your own growth? The Smart Growth Certification program equips you to engage in meaningful conversations about growth and exclusive access to the S Curve Insight Tool––a diagnostic that provides powerful insights into an individual and a team’s growth experience.
