Two weeks ago, our son, David, began his six-week trip in Asia with several of his friends. He’d been working full time for over two years, and had been planning this for even longer. This was his vacation of a lifetime before medical school.
Two days into it, he and a buddy were in Vietnam riding motorcycles, and David was injured. A scraped knee and forearm, and an injured wrist; he was hoping it was only a sprain. However, after getting it x-rayed, it was clear that he needed surgery right there and then, with no idea what the insurance situation was going to be, and his visa was about to expire.
Understandably, I was a bit freaked out–not to mention, with adult children, striking the balance between encroaching on their autonomy and showing love and support is a delicate balance. For example, he didn’t want us to fly over there, but my son did permit us to see if we could find people who could help.
It turns out most of the people who helped were people we didn’t know. The first person, Nguyen Noi Ha, I had met briefly during a podcast interview. He reached out to his friend, Anh Quan, who then helped David get a visa extension until the 30th. Okay, one problem solved. The second person was my friend Richie Norton (yes, that Richie Norton!), who provided a backup plan and potential places to stay if we needed them. Then there was the doctor at the international clinic, Dr. Andres Sosa, who operated on him. Because David has lived and worked in Latin America, he felt a greater sense of comfort with him. And finally, there was the branch president (it’s like a pastor), Alan VanPatter, whom I had never met before, who went and spent an hour with David the night before the surgery.
There was literally nothing we could do, thousands of miles on the other side of the world, but there were people there who could. Most of them strangers, yet all of them armed with a capacity for unconditional care.
Footnote: The surgery was successful, and although he didn’t get to Singapore, he was able to leave within the week–– and continue his travels with his friends in Sri Lanka.
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Meanwhile, this was my week for tennis lessons from a teacher whom I found on YouTube, Tomaz Mencinger. Tennis is something that I flirted with in high school. Sadly, I never made the cut for the team, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to return to. Well, I’m in my third year of practice, and I love it.
A full week of tennis, four hours every day, mostly outdoors, and mostly sunny. There are some ingrained habits in my technique that need to be corrected, and I’m not a trained athlete, so the muscle memory from other sports isn’t there. Regardless, tennis represents a simple and pure joy in my life.
But my coach asked me, if I find such happiness in hitting a ball, why don’t I hit it more often? Why don’t I make more time to practice? Of course, finding time for yourself is a fairly universal challenge – I travel frequently, I’m writing a book, and I don’t have people readily available to play with. So on and so forth. But there is something I can do.
In my coaching, I teach the philosophy of getting 5% better, 5 minutes a day. A gradual change that adds up like a river carves a canyon over time. In the spirit of that, I pledge here to do something tennis-related every week. Maybe it’s hitting, perhaps it’s strength training, eye-hand coordination drills, or just watching a video, but I have determined to do something every week.
Like branch president VanPatter, sitting with my son the night before his surgery, we make time for what matters. When we care, we show up. And we must make sure to balance showing up for others with showing up for ourselves. Take the kindness you would show a stranger and remind yourself to turn it inwards, to make time for yourself. Take the growth you’ve nurtured internally, and bring that care into the world to make at least one person’s life easier today. When time is our most precious resource, choosing how you spend it is one of the most important decisions you can make.
As always, thanks for being here!
All my best,
Whitney
P.S. A quick thank you for supporting our work–the day before David got into his accident, I received this wonderful ATD Thought Leader of the Year Award. Here’s the LinkedIn post.
P.P.S. This may not be for you, but it might! Here’s a recent conversation with two religion professors, Hank Smith and John Bytheway, on the Follow Him podcast–lots of disruption, but from a spiritual perspective.
