Last week, over the July 4th weekend, our family went to see the new movie “F1.” It was a delightful film, with all the feel-good elements of a redemption arc, and yes – lots of very, very fast cars.
But my husband and daughter almost went by themselves. It was my husband’s birthday on Tuesday, and he said, “Let’s go see this movie.” Yes, of course, let’s go… then Thursday morning comes and I find myself feeling anxious. I have a lot of work to do — writing and editing the book, and getting ready for my trip to London. A day out at the movies starts to feel like a burden.
And then this morning, the same thing happened again. My husband said, ‘Let’s go weed in the garden.’ It was a highly satisfying proposition — getting outdoors in the early morning, doing this together, digging in the dirt. Feels so good! But I almost said no. The same thing with my plans to practice my tennis skills with a ball machine.
This is one of my favorite videos about anxiety; I loved Emma McAdam’s message so much that I interviewed her on episode 243 of the Disrupt Yourself podcast. Emma is brilliant at breaking down the world of therapy and psychology into terms that make plain sense.
One of her points that really stuck around with me is how she talks about facing the bear. When we’re feeling anxious, it’s like a bear threatening our camp, and we have the sense that we should run away from what’s causing that anxiety. When we do, we think phew, I escaped! The bear’s long gone! I’m safe.
But the next time we face down a bear, we’ve trained our brains to run away when it’s 20 feet out – not 50 feet or 100 feet. We get better at spotting threats and leaving the campsite earlier and earlier. The problem is that in avoiding the mental bear of anxiety, you create a feedback loop, and it just keeps getting worse. You feel good because you didn’t have to go see that movie, or weed the garden, or swing a racket. You may feel safe from that nasty anxiety, but in the end, you never actually did the things you wanted to originally, because you learn to run early and fast.
Unless you face the bear. And that’s what I did this past weekend.
I went to the movie, I weeded the garden, and I hit some tennis balls. I didn’t spend hours on any one of those things, but bottom line? I did it. And, guess what, I didn’t feel worse after! I felt better!
When you’re stepping onto the launch point, the “trail starts here” marker of a new S Curve, there’s almost always going to be a bear hiding somewhere in those woods. You feel that anxiety, and that instinct kicks in. Run. But ultimately, what are you running from? A bear that sits in your mind – or the very real things you know will make you happier?
So, consider this: is there something that you have been wanting to make more time for in your life? Maybe you almost get there, carving out time on your calendar for a run, or looking up flights for that vacation, but then you feel the bear’s eyes on your back, and you find a new way to run away.
Then here’s the opportunity. Once you get that urge to cut and run, sit with how you feel. Watch where those emotions stem from. Ask: When’s the last time you actually saw a bear?
What I found is that after I set aside my to-do list anxiety, after I went to the movie, the garden, and the tennis court… I still had time to do everything I needed to do.
I’ll leave you with this. Remember getting shots as a kid? Remember all the crying, pleading, squirming, watching the needle, welding your eyes shut… and then it’s over. You did it. Here’s your lollipop. Was that so bad?
All my best,
Whitney