“The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time.”― Brené Brown
Recently, a college student in my faith community, Annalyce, shared an experience where she had shown up to an event, but it was a struggle to be there because she was experiencing anxiety. She gave herself a challenge to stay just five more minutes. And then she said, “Whitney [that would be me] said hello. Not only did she say hello, but she called me by name. I had no idea she even knew who I was. Then, she kept talking to me until we got to the room for the next class [Relief Society, our women’s organization], so I couldn’t really leave.”
So, Annalyce gave herself another five-minute challenge, and then someone else spoke to her and called her by name, which got her through another five minutes. And then the room was so full that leaving would have been extremely awkward, so she stayed for the entire class. The cherry on top of this story is that three days later, she was asked to be the president of the women’s organization.
I love this story for a number of reasons:
First, it was validating for me. I make an effort to remember people’s names and call people by name. But I’m often left to wonder: does that even matter? Well, I have one data point confirming that it did, so I believe it can again in the future.
Second, sometimes we need to move through life in five-minute increments. We can tell ourselves, “I’m just going to show up.” Maybe the anxiety (or pick your poison) is so debilitating it takes all our energy just to show up. But then we do. And perhaps we can go another five minutes and then another. And when we do that—as when we do the best we can at anything—it’s important to give ourselves props for doing that much because we did a hard thing. (For more on anxiety, listen to the podcast with Morra Aarons-Mele, and then take one more step and listen to Alison Levine.)
Third, when we do even a little more than we thought we could do, magical things can happen, as with Annalyce. As president of the Relief Society, she is charged with reaching out to others, maybe even those who need to be noticed and hear their names spoken. That responsibility can, in turn, help her, because sometimes it’s easier to connect—it’s easier to do whatever is difficult for us—when it’s an assignment, and we feel accountability for doing it and doing it well.
So, what are my takeaways:
If someone has made a difference for you, say it out loud. They won’t know otherwise, and it will encourage them to keep doing the helpful things they do.
When you feel debilitated, paralyzed, or even crippled by feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, or whatever, but something matters to you, then commit to show up for just five minutes, and then another five minutes. And five more minutes after that.
Ask yourself what wonderful things have happened because you did show up. What wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t?
Our podcast episode this week is with Sam Horn. Her specialty is how to communicate a message better. She’s fascinating and fun. I had a conversation with her when I first started doing my work. Her description of the work that I did then, and still do, was surprisingly accurate. Coming from my Wall Street career, she said, “You take stock in people.” I’ve always been grateful for how she named me. She has a book out now about how to have hard conversations, Talking on Eggshells: Soft Skills for Hard Conversations.
As always, thanks for being here,
Whitney
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